So my song of the day is A Different Kind Of Pain.
A fairly depressing song which practically immobilises your soul and has you remembering all the bad stuff, wondering if what you did was wrong or right and what you’d do differently next time round (should there be another time).

The simple lyrics sung in the dark, pain ridden voice with the sexy southern American drone, makes it a surprisingly addictive tune.
The regular key changes make it confusing at times but it zones you back in from your already acquired depressed trance. You can almost imagine standing in the middle of the busy city, time standing still with your whole world crashing down with this song playing proudly in the background. It is highly indulgent and very self pitying but very deep at the same time, hitting your emotionally sensitive memories.. Ones you’d perhaps wish were locked away forever.

I see this song as one which is open to interpretation by the listener. Cleverly, it could relate to a variety of events which lead you to regress or regret. Both.
A break up, a decision, a conversation, a death, an action.

This is a song to be played when you wish the world had a rewind button. See everything in reverse until you’re back where you need to be when everything was ok.

DD x

Tags: choices, depressing, life, Pain, regret, upset

Whoa… It’s been a while since my last post. My USB broadband doofer has revolted against my blogging and has not been working. Therefore, no connection = no posts.

Anyway, bygones!

Quite a bit has happened.. However, I doubt for the sake of your boredem, it’s anything worth writing about.

Ive been working out (twice a week), almost at the end of my 2 year coursestill managed 3 press ups the other day. All this and I’m still as sadly twisted as before. Approaching my 21st birthday this week which is secretly scaring me. I feel like i should have achieved so much more by now. Left home, found a boyfriend, gotten drunk at least once… But no. Still the career nerd at home, writing fan fiction of an evening and talking to the cat who couldn’t care less.

While I admit this doesn’t bode well and may also be the reason im  still single, I am pleaseat with myself at 21. I may not have travelled the world or invented invisibility, but I’ve done more than people thought I would.

SO there, there’s much more to come from this shocking excuse of a 21 year old.

DD x

I often wonder if I was born into entirely the wrong era. Some of the stuff I come out with or the way I act, is more like a gal from the 20′s or an old lady from whenever!

I mean, it’s not just an occasional thing, it happens all the time. I scare myself with it! Where a 20 year old girl should be thinking, “I can’t wait to go out on the town and get completely squiffed”, I think, “I can’t wait to get home, have a bath and a cup of tea”.

Seriously, its getting worse. There were a group of kids on their bikes making quite alot of noise outside work the other week and I said, which seemed perfectly normal, “Oh for goodness sake, don’t those children have anything better to do, like catch up with their homework”. Baring in mind, I’m only 20 myself.

A List Of Examples Of My Era Displacement Possibilities:

• I would go into a bar and ask for tomato juice instead of vodka.
• I frown (yes frown) at children making noise.
• I am drawn hopelessly to the 1800′s, 20′s, 30′s and 40′s.
• I adore walks in the country and picnics.
• I rarely flirt.
• If someone suggested we went to a club, I’d brief them on the dangers.
• I carry an umbrella wherever I go (just in case).
• I’m looking for Mr Darcy not David Beckham.
• My perfect date would be a picnic on a river bank,  not ‘a drink’ in a random bar.
• I disapprove of loud women.

And of course there are quite a few other contributors but these are all I can think of. So it makes me a freak? So what? I’d rather be like that than the tartish trash we’re confronted with in today’s world. I just don’t think I have it in me to be… “normal”.

But then again, normal is too overrated, isn’t it?

DD x

Song Of the Day goes to “Land Locked Blues” by Bright Eyes.

I usually try to avoid such tear-jerking, heart-wrenching pieces (unless it’s classical), as I don’t like crying or my heart being wrenched.       But I tripped dramatically upon this one after a sudden epiphany yesterday. It seemed to fit a particular moment quite easily, nicely stretching out the prolonged agony it seemed to evoke.

It’s a very resentful, angry and bitter song.. But sung quite softly. Passive-aggressive springs to mind.

It’s the sort of song where you press play, listen and then don’t move for the whole 5 minutes 43 seconds, just staring in the same spot, your eyes watering partly because you haven’t blinked and partly because it’s excavating emotions you thought you had buried.

So I think we’ve established it’s very bloody depressing and if you’re having a self-pitying, emotionally indulging day, then this is the song. It will make you feel worse, but it will help to get whatever resentful crap you have inside.

DD x

Song Of The Day definitely goes to Dommin’s electrifying version of Cutting Crew’s Died In Your Arms.

I came across this masterpiece while you-tubing them… and much to my gothic rock-loving-delight, I found a song I hadn’t heard them do before!

Now, while there is no beating their debut song, My Heart In Your Hands, this song certainly cuts the mustard in the world of Gothic Rock covers. Where the original by Cutting Crew was more lovey-dovey and romantic, Dommin’s version is more dramatic but heartfelt, rough but sweet.

In true goth-rock-Dommin fashion, they’re not going to sing a love song without giving it their own dark and heavy signature… which they have pulled off chillingly whilst making sure to keep it romantic. In their own, special way.

DD x

Tags: Cutting Crew, Died In Your Arms, Dommin

I think it’s nice, from time to time, to think about all the things we’re grateful for in life, which is why I have written down, as part of my spring revitalization, a list of things to do with my perception of my life.

• I am really pleased when I have accomplished something at work/life.
• I adore summer evenings in the garden.
• I’m fascinated by spirituality.
• I enjoy listening to music and writing.
• I’m grateful for having a steady job.
• I want love, health and happiness.
• Warm feelings come to me when I see my Grandad smile and laugh.
• I feel joy when me, mum and Gran are having a giggle.
• I intend to bring fulfillment into my life.
• My purpose is to help others and bring happiness.

Take 5 minutes out to write your own sentences to this and understand you have a lot more to be grateful for than is obvious to you on a day to day basis.

DD x

What I consider to be quite an apt song for the singleton on V day;

I Eat Dinner (When The Hunger’s Over) / Dido & Rufus Wainwright

While this song is morbidly depressing, it’s a Bridget Jones classic that, once paid enough attention to and played to the right audience i.e completely single, it’s quite moving, and I’ll go so far as to say chilling.

“No more candle-light, no more romance, no more small talk, when the hunger’s gone.”

What did I tell you, MORBID! … A little bit. If you’re in that frame of mind anyway. Which it would appear I am, so I get it!

Dido, renowned for her fairly depressing music, has actually managed to contribute quite nicely to this wrist slashing number, although her lines are slightly monotone. But fortunately it’s that sort of song. I don’t know if that can be said for a whole album, but that’s for another post when I’m feeling bitchier.

I think Bob Geldof should gather Band Aid back up and bring out a #1 single for the single people. Perhaps, “Don’t They Know It’s Valentine’s Day At Last”. Why not go the whole hog and create a charity… Love Poverty Worldwide…. Or something like that.

However, I refuse to leave on a morbid note and declare a second song for Song Of  The Day. And the lucky winner is, of course…

I’m Every Woman / Chaka Khan

Us singletons can whack this up full volume (On headphones so not to piss off neighbours and get ASBO), hold our heads up high and enjoy the feeling of emotional freedom, bouncing along the path on the quest to find happiness. The light at the end of the tunnel that seems to have faded, has been replaced with the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I’m every woman, and so are you.. (Unless you’re a man. Or both. I don’t judge.)

DD x

Grotesque start to the morning. Have just witnessed my bloody neighbour receiving a V card, chocolates and wait for it, a dozen red roses.

I mean, could the day have started off any flaming worse!?

NO!

Tags: Disgust, Gross, Valentine's Day, Vomit

It would appear that Valentine’s day has crept up on me like a zombie in the night. Am I mentally prepared for this cringe-fest, NO! Am I prepared emotionally for the realisation that I will be spending the national puke-in-a-bucket appreciation day, alone and working, NO! And, am I prepared psychologically for the sight of red roses that aren’t for me, for the sickly giving of chocolates, that aren’t for me and for the smug, loved-up couples exchanging devoted looks, that guess what, AREN’T FOR ME!… No.

Not at all resentful!

V Day is in actual fact, socially cruel and should be banned. It is only for couples to celebrate, us singles don’t get a look in… So, why not banish V Day and stop being so selfish and just leave it to your cosy little anniversaries. I can’t believe couples get TWO days a year to, excuse me while I puke, ‘Celebrate Their Love’ for each other and everyone else who has escaped commitment, is left out in the cold. Give the frig over.. If you need to wait a whole year just to do a romantic gesture for the person you supposedly love and adore, I’m litterally wretching at the disgust of these words, then clearly someone needs to evaluate the reason why they’ve waited a bloody year!

Every day should  be V day for couples. But I will say now, that doesn’t give you cart’e blanch to wave it arrogantly in the faces of us single people EVERY DAY!

-The thoughts of someone with date on V day: ” Oh, I do wonder what my sweetheart has got me for V day? And I can’t wait for my surprise dinner tonight, Oh he is wonderful isn’t he!?”

Puke.

-The Mind of someone single on V day: ” Oh my bloody god, I want to f****** die! Stupid bunch of arses wafting around with their heads in the cloud. They’ve got a date with the man of their dreams while I have a date with Bridget sodding Jones DVD, a bottle of Southern Comfort, Panadol and 2 meters of rope!” (Those three not coming reccomended.)

Realistic.

So, word of warning to you all, and you know who the frig you are, if you’re ‘with’ somebody and loving V day, come with in 5 meters of me and I’ll tear the dream apart.. Ok? Good:)

DD x

Tags: Banned, Bridget Jones, Hate, Love, Sick, Valentine's Day

So, my song of the day today, goes to- Something I Can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails.

I was introduced to this deep, dark and tense tune during lunch at my best-est friend’s house, over what I thought to be a very tasty cheese, ham and onion toastie. I mean really people, could life get much better on a freaking Monday.

The answer to that humanoids, is no! (That’s humanoids, not hemorrhoids).

After being forced to listen to quite brutal versions of verses from ‘Something I Can Never Have’, by my bestest friend,with my delightful nephews assuming normal day life,  my poor eardrums were set to listen to the real thing. Now, it’s not really something you’d listen to if you’re entertaining grandparents or baking fairy cakes, rather if you were contemplating death or planning world domination and pretending you’re the devil.

While I do hope that anyone who reads this, isn’t contemplating death or planning devil world domination, I really would suggest taking 6.39 minutes out to listen to this lulling, mood teasing piece.

I would also suggest, for your own welfare, hiding any razors/pills you have lying around…. just in case things get a little morbid.

Which they will…. ALOT!

Then there was being subjected to someone they call.. ‘Marilyn Manson’. Not exactly Marilyn Monroe, but close I guess.

I’m still not quite sure if it is a man or woman but I have established quite easily that I don’t like it. I mean, it’s a cross between a gothic clown and the thing I was afraid of being under my bed when I was little.  Give me actual strength. Maybe there is some dark meaning as to why I should like him, but I’m afraid it just doesn’t cut the salad cream for me! Really, a doberman would be scared coming across something as disturbing as this.

Anyway, I shall not go on just in case there’s some crazed (blind and deaf, but crazed all the same) fan who reads this and decides to take legal action on my harsh but true words!

Happy hearing,

DD x

Tags: Dark, Disturbing, Morbid, Music, Nine Inch Nails, Plain Weird, Salad Cream, Something I Can Never Have, Songs